This year whether your Memorial Day plans take you to the beaches, parties or an all-you-can-eat cookout remember to thank the men and women that serve our country.  Thank you!

As part of the Memorial Day Celebration, enjoy these quotes. And other Random thoughts:

• I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.   -Lee Greenwood
• It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived. — General George Patton
• Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty. – John F. Kennedy
• The greatest glory of a free-born people is to transmit that freedom to their children. -William Havard
• For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. -William Penn
• The patriot’s blood is the seed of Freedom’s tree. – Thomas Campbell           
• The costs this Memorial day; the price of hotdogs 2.30, the price of gas 4.00 /gal , the price of freedom…priceless.  Thank you to all that serve.
• Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue. -Senator Barry Goldwater
• When You Go Home, Tell Them Of Us And Say,  For Their Tomorrow, We Gave Our Today - The Kohima Epitaph
• On thy grave the rain shall fall from the eyes of a mighty nation! -Thomas William Parsons
• The brave die never, though they sleep in dust: Their courage nerves a thousand living men. -Minot J. Savage
• We come, not to mourn our dead soldiers, but to praise them. -Francis A. Walker
• The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem. -Rev. Aaron Kilbourn
• The cost of liberty is less than the cost of repression. -Web Dubois
•  With the tears a Land hath shed. Their graves should ever be green. – Thomas Bailey Aldrich
• They fell, but o’er their glorious grave , Floats free the banner of the cause they died to save. – Francis Marion Crawford
•  The purpose of all war is ultimately peace. -Saint Augustine
•  As I approach the gates of heaven; St. Peter I will tell; One more soldier reporting sir; I’ve served my time in hell. -Mark Anthony Gresswell
• Peace is more important than all justice; and peace was not made for the sake of justice, but justice for the sake of peace. -Martin Luther
• Memorial Day afternoon and the aroma from the barbeque smoke & freshly mowed lawn is stronger than all of nature’s air fresheners.  

What are some of your favorite Memorial Day memories?

Another Great Cartoon by Bill Lamere

What are some of your favorite Memorial Day Quotes?

For all the hardworking moms out there, enjoy Mother’s Day and I hope it’s filled with plaster-of-Paris handprints, soup can pencil holders, macaroni necklaces, spa gift certificates and dinner reservations. 

Whether you’re a mom or you just have a mom, here’s some fun quotes for this week.

• I sterilized my first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and my third baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
• This year our Mother’s Day dilemma is do we spend $100. to buy mom flowers, or spend the $100 on gas to fill our SUV  to drive across town to see her.  Hmmm? 
• My favorite t-shirt to wear when running errands with my kids says,” Who are these kids, and why are they calling me mom?”
• The term “Whoops” in our house, really means “get a sponge.” 
• Life is way too short to deprive yourself of chocolate. 
• My daughter takes after me.  She left me this voicemail, “Mom, if you get this message, call me; if you don’t, then don’t worry about it.”  
• I learned that on Mother’s Day, not only am I in charge of buying my mom’s gift, but my mother-in-law’s present as well, and I can’t forget to forge his signature on the card I bought for my MOL from him.
• You know you’re a mom when you automatically double-knot everything you tie.
• I learned that that I should never put my son on the top bunk when he’s wearing his Superman pjs.
• It’s true; you still need to do chores on Mother’s Day!
• I learned that my kids think my worst feature is my singing.  “Stop it” or “Shut up” usually follows when I attempt to mutter along with the radio.
• I learned I turned into my mom , when I found myself saying things like; “You’re sitting to close to the TV.”  “Turn off the lights, you’re wasting electricity.” “Just because Ethan’s mom said it’s OK, doesn’t make it OK.” 
• I learned I can be a tough mom, really.  I can put the fear in my kids with just one sentence.  “Just wait until your dad gets home.”
• “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” Erma Bombeck
• “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” Phyllis Diller
• Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease, while sleeping.
• “You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back.”  William D. Tammeus
• The only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
• Anytime you worry that you weren’t a good mom, remember at least your kids didn’t turn out like Bin Laden. 
• Bin Laden is buried at sea, once again surrounded by seals.  Osama Bin Laden is finally rotting in HELL with Hitler.
• And why are they worried about the Bin Laden photos being too gruesome, most Americans would want to use it as their screen saver.  JL
• The menu in my house growing up had two choices ; eat it or starve.
• I know I’m a mom, when I draw smiley faces on the bananas I packed in my kids lunches. 

What are some of the crazy things your mom has done? What crazy things have you done as a mom?

Tomorrow is Saint Valentines’ Day , so I have dedicated this week’s random thoughts to Love and Valentine.  Some of the quotes may come from late night comedians including Jay Leno,  Jimmy Fallen , Tweet, Tweet.  Enjoy! 

• I learned I love picking through a box of chocolates looking for the caramel and nut ones, one tiny candy at a time. Or I could just buy a giant Snickers bar and get it over with. 
• I learned that the only Valentines I get in the mail are from Ed McMan.
• I know it is Valentine’s Day, when it’s time to go to a packed restaurant with hundreds of other couples.

• Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!”  Jay Leno
• I learned if I give my hubby his card, and candy in the morning of Valentine’s Day, I’ll be sure to get one that evening. Signed in the car. 
• Here’s 10 pounds of chocolate, now go put on that negligee.

So when your hubby buys you lingerie for Valentine’s Day, whose gift is it really? 

• Roses are red, Violets are blue, the chocolates you gave me, gave me diabetes type 2.   Tweet

Monday night Guy tweet: I think I’ll stay home for Valentine’s Day and try to find the girls eliminated from The Bachelor on Facebook. 

• I feel bad for people who die on Valentine’s Day.  How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?  Jay Leno

Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. 

• When I said I didn’t want to do anything tonight, it didn’t mean I wanted to be alone while you acted like you just got a rose on the gay hillbilly version of the Bachelor!” Ellie to hubby ,Andy, who ditched her on Valentine’s Day for a guy’s night. (Cougar Town). 
• It is love, not reason that is stronger than death.  Thomas Mann
• You had me at, “babysitter.” 
• I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.   Robert Orben
• To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others. Francois Mauriac
• Florist: I lost a whole sheet of flower orders. It’s cool I wrote better messages for all of them anyways.
• A bunch of my friends hate V-day so instead they celebrate “Singles Awareness Day”.
• I got my Valentine’s Day present early. Can anyone loan me a foot pump so I don’t have to blow her up? Guy Tweet
• If you make me yours, I’ll make you mine.
• What’s worse than no date and no gift is getting a bouquet of flowers from your mom.
• Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day?  Because the Card and Jewelry industries are  hurting a month and a half after Christmas.  
• Why are cute Valentine cards filled with bear hugs? I guess snail hugs are too slimy. 
• I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.  Roy Croft
• Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. Franklin P. Jones
• Here’s to love – the only fire for which there is no insurance.  
• Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. Peter Ustinov
• And when love speaks, the voice of all the gods makes heaven drowsy with the harmony.  Shakespeare 
• Love may not make the world spin around, but it certainly makes a lot of people dizzy.
• Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. Jeanne Moreau 
• To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.  Francois Mauriac 
• I hope your husband will do special things for you on Valentine’s Day like open the door for you when you put the laundry in the washing machine or plug and unplug the vacuum as you move from room to room cleaning. 
• I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek – she bent over!  Rodney Dangerfield   
• It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass! Rodney
• Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. Rodney
• When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.  
• Valentine’s Day is getting a diamond from some dude named Jared… and we don’t mean the Subway guy.

• I learned that in Texas you can always tell the snow is coming  & it’s not a snoax when the grocery stores are packed at 10:15 pm.  
• Cowboy Stadium had frozen ice and snow piled on top for days.   How is it that a bunch of Texans can build a football stadium in Dallas that doesn’t cave in from ice and snow but the boys living in Minnesota that live in the stuff 10 months out of the year couldn’t get it right?
  

  Super Bowl 45 Cowboy Stadium, Snow

• Maybe this was God’s wrath for the Cowboys not making it to the Super Bowl. 
• Dallas weather brought out all the fashions, Uggs.  They actually call a boot an “Ugg”? 
• Super Bowl carry-ons; the “regular” people were only able to enter the stadium with a small clutch type purse but hmmmm the VIP people were allowed to bring in backpacks and huge totes/hobo bags?  Unless you are Lindsay Lohan, she’s not allowed in with a large purse, the game ball may end up missing.   
• Some Dallas locals were raking in the cheese by charging premium rates to rent their driveways to Super Bowl tailgaters looking for room to party.  Some even shared their refrigerator space for the beer.  Texans are not only friendly, we’re entrepreneurial. 
• 14,500 tons of chips are eaten on Super Bowl Sunday, but not after watching that Doritos finger licking, pant licking co-worker.  Ew. 
• Alex Rodriguez was ballistic that FOX caught him being fed popcorn on camera at the Super Bowl.  A-Rod you bring one of the biggest movie stars in Hollywood, to the biggest sporting event on the planet, and you sit in the front row of a luxury suite and you didn’t expect the cameras might look in on you?
• I learned that blaming Dallas for a muffed Super Bowl party weekend because of the snow is equal to blaming New Orleans for everything because of Katrina.  Really?  
• Viewing Jerry Jones suite at the Super Bowl is like a Hollywood squares board, with George W and Laura in the bottom row, Ashton & Demi on the left and Michael Douglas and Catherine, and the secret square is: “The Whitehouse Crashers” .
• NFL reported just hours before kickoff that hundreds of temporary seating fell short of being completed.  “Hours before kickoff??”  WTH? Someone needs to give the NFL a project planner. 
• The announced crowd (103,219) fell a few hundred seats short of a record.  Hmmm see bullet above. 
• Christina Aguilera you muffed The Star Spangled Banner in front of more than 150 million viewers.  At least we know she wasn’t lip-sync thing.
• “O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming,” should have been tattooed on Christina Aquilera’s  arm before Super bowl kick off. Heck with 150 million people watching, I would have the whole song tattooed on my arm.
• The Packers had a post-Super Bowl celebration and as a treat, Christina Aguilera came and messed up the words to “We Are the Champions.”  Jimmy Fallon
• From a Steeler fan regarding Super bowl 2011; I’ve never wanted Kanye West to interrupt a show so bad.
• No really, Congrats Green Bay Packers Super Bowl XLV Champions !
• The AFC is getting very popular overseas . Just like the pre-made NY Jets AFC Championship clothing  … the un-sellable Steelers Super Bowl Championship gear is going to World Vision , a charity that provides relief for countries in need.
• And was it just me, or was there a lot of violence in the ads this year?  A dog crashing the door down to get Doritos, a Pepsi can thrown at a jogger, a “test” baby thrown against the glass window, Roseanne Barr getting hit by a bus in a Snickers ad …?   Really? Uberfunny. 
• Did I mention a Dorito finger licking and pants licking co-worker? Just ew
• A Super Bowl without cheerleaders, in Cowboy Stadium no less, go figure.
• Will.i.am tried to tweet right before he performed but couldn’t get cell service.  He did, however get a tweet out after the half time performance; “ At&t??? Wow…no service during  halftime…unbelievable,”.  
• Ok Dallas , after snow struck during the  NBA’s All-Star Weekend last year, there should have been snowplows bought in so when the New England storm lingered on, so our out-of-town visitors weren’t shocked that they never saw plows or other service vehicles.
• Dallas cabdrivers pick “that” week to go on strike.  Really? Just another layer of difficulty, while the ice buried beneath the snow presented  slippery hazards.
• What else?  Oh yeah, the hotel that housed the media had heating system malfunctions, broken elevators, then false-alarm fire alarms. 
• So where do we sign up to bid on future Super Bowls?  We can learn from these mistakes.

I learned this week that Santa Claus is in the running among the 11 mascot candidates for the Winter Olympics, which makes better sense that another choice, a dolphin.  

I keep telling the men in my house, Life goes on….without football.

• What were your “snow” stories? 
• What was your favorite Super Bowl commercial? 

Random items I have learned: 

• I learned I shouldn’t eat beignets doused with powdered sugar while wearing a dark black suit right before a big presentation. 
• No wonder café au lait is so popular in New Orleans (coffee with steamed milk); without milk, the chicory-charged coffee is thick as mud!
• I measure my stay in New Orleans by meals not days. 
• New Orleans, where my taste buds have a wicked good time!
• Walking the streets in New Orleans in the French Quarter before the Sugar Bowl where the OSU fans are a fist-pumping, thumping, bumping- crowded spirited group. 
• Ladies what is it with the puffy jackets?  Parkas on the French Quarter, really?
• Some of the hootie-hoo honeys at the New Orleans airport look like they are still celebrating New Year’s Eve.
• Several delays at the airport this week, sometimes an airline gives you more than you bargained for!
• If you’re a burger-n-fries kinda guy, the Crescent City is not the restaurant scene you may like, however the 24/7 McDs on Canal, is always packed.
• Lucky Dog street carts, Makeshift metal bands playing in the streets, partiers carrying Hurricanes (a fruity alcohol concoction)  , Voo Doo doll shops…New Orleans, a city with a schizophrenic personality. 
• New Orleans is one of the most seductive cities; after all this is where Rhett Butler brought Scarlett O’Hara for their honeymoon.
• I also learned that my iphone 4G has a new upgrade that’s a break through- it allows me to make and receive calls now.  Sort of. 
• Weather has been cold this week, so I had to run in place.  I know, right? Treadmills at home are boring, but where else can you run in your bathrobe?
• A few weeks ago, there was an eclipse.  Why do they have the eclipse at 2:00 am? Why can’t they have it at a reasonable hour – some of us have to work. 

Canal Street

• Canal Street Sign Placard:    Street Car Uptown to Art Galleries, SuperDome, Theaters, Warehouse District, Casino, Riverfront/Aquarium, Convention Center, French Quarter, Washington Square     Nuff said? 

You can still find award winning quilts, pigs and pies at the State Fair this season, but based on the long lines at the concessions; the FOOD is the main attraction.   

Don’t get me wrong, I love to see the happy faces of the 4-H kids standing next to their blue-ribbon farm animals and handmade quilts, but setting aside livestock, rides and games, it’s really the food that draws most of us to the Fair.  And why shouldn’t it, there’s so much to sample!   

The Fair comes only once a year, so why not enjoy “food with no rules” for a day?   Our common senses are checked at the turnstile when we enter the fair; calories don’t count at the fair and there’s no such thing as a rip-off.    

Everyone loves the idea of a Fair, and no one more than me!   

Here’s a taste of some of the foods you can try at Fairs across the country this season:  

Funnel cakes, Corn dogs, cotton candy, caramel apples, donut bacon cheeseburger (A bacon burger wedged between two glazed Krispy Kreme donuts), kettle corn, maple bacon cupcakes,pizza, Turkey legs, patty melts, calzone, five pound gummy bear (only $25.), chicken fried bacon, spiral potatoes, fudge, ice cream, bacon and cheese mashed potato bites, frozen lemonade, Pigs in the mud (chocolate covered bacon)  Koolickles (a dill pickle marinated in Cherry Kool-Aid), meats-on-a-stick (pork chops on stick) and of course , just about every type of food DEEP FRIED; fried alligator, fried snickers, fried Oreos and Twinkies, fried butter, fried ribs,  fried cheese pizza, fried chocolate strawberry waffle balls , fried Honey Bun, fried pickles, fried cheese curds, Texas fried Frito pie, fried snickers, fried smore, fried club salad, fried Chips Ahoy cookies, fried grilled cheese, fried peanut butter & jelly sandwich , fried cheesecake, fried pies, fried cookie dough, fried peaches and cream, fried pumpkin, and even fried beer!   

What I learned in life:    

• I learned the bigger the stuffed toy prizes are, the louder the midway vendors yell.
• Pig Racing at the State Fair; Squealy Nelson beats Snoop Hoggy Hog, Hamma Montana, & Christina Hoguilera. Swines racing for oreos?  Hmmm, sounds like the midway. 
• I learned you can even get your teeth whitened in between tastings of deep fried stuff.  Check out the dental demo.
• I learned to avoid the Twilt-A-Whirl area after dinnertime unless you don’t mind schlepping through vomit.
• What the cotton candy machine malfunctioned? That could leave a very sticky situation in the hands of fair officials. he he. 
• I learned Fair food vendors do things that no chef or person in the real world would dare. 
• I learned there’s lots of shopping, and things you can really use, like – an Armadillo Beer Holder. 
• An impulse buy, at the Fair…a hot tub? Why not?  I’ll take it! Load it into my car, water and all.
• A favorite thing to do at the Fair is to go to the children’s petting zoo…even if I did almost get eaten by a giraffe this year.
• I wasn’t even that close to that giraffe.  Wow, do they have long tongues. Seriously that’s my arm.  Hey, really…quit that.  I’m not lunch.    
• I’m pretty sure that was a drive-by sliming by some random, saliva-foamed mouth of an identified animal at the petting zoo.
• I learned at the Fair, size does matter.  Miniature sized animals, like pigs, are too cute, but oversized bunnies, not so cute. 
• I learned if you’re ever feeling down about yourself, go to the state fair and look around.
• I learned that roosters can “cock-a-doodle-do” pretty much constantly, not just at dawn. 
• Fried P&J, is it a meal or a dessert? 
• Deep fried butter!  Isn’t that one of the signs of the apocalypse?
• Whoever came up with deep fried Oreos should win the Nobel Prize.  I’m just saying.
• After five different fried foods and the cholesterol coma sunk in, my feet were draggin to the next food vendor. 
• Outrageous food item at some of the State Fairs this year is a burger patty between 2 Krispy Kreme donuts.  WTF?  My arteries are clogging just thinking about it.
• Corn dog pizza, really?  Apparently this food vendor wanted to save fairgoers the trouble of having to choose between pizza and corn dogs.

Corndog Pizza

• Speaking of food – butter anyone?  Every year, someone does a giant sculpture out of butter.  Where’s the giant popcorn sculpture? 
• I learned the Fair is not for the faint of heart.
• I learned I am getting too old when some of the fair rides feel like mild forms of torture.   
• Stuffing yourself with pizza and fried foods and then riding the rides is not an ideal combination. 
• Step right up and get your fried foods right here. Greasy, artery-clogging fun for all.
• Does Crisco sponsor the State Fairs?
• Hey, did I mention the fried Oreos are the bomb? 
• If you’re headed to the State fair, drink a Crisco smoothie to prep your innards. 
• Hello ginormous turkey leg and random fried foods! After eating everything, I need to go on a holistic retreat to purge.
• I learned people will wait in line for hours to be spun around and dangled upside down.
• I learned people will easily drop a C-note on various games involving darts, rings and softballs, in order to win a 5 dollar prize.
• Dad with eyes rolled up in his head, “7 hours at the State Fair, what have I done to deserve this?”
• You know you’re getting old when all your favorite bands are reduced to playing at the State Fair in 20 years.
• Pickles & funnel cake?  Enough said?
• I am like a binge-eater-let- loose-at-the-Texas-State-Fair-after-a- Paula-Deen-marathon.
• What there’s no Deep Fried Sloppy Joes? 
• Just watching the ride that looks like a whirling giant octopus being electrocuted while clutching its victims, um, I mean riders, makes me nauseous. 
• How far will they go with the stick-impaled snacks? Camel on a Stick in Minn? Huh? 
• The Texas State Fair isn’t the only place with some weirdo fried goods that will blow your arteries away.  Wisconsin has fried cream cheese and bacon.  Mmmmm.
• Someone call 911 for these guys in line for the donut burger.  Next booth, open heart surgery.   
  

  Krispy Creme Donut Burger. Hold the mayo, I'm dieting.

• And this donut burger; what genius looked at a burger and thought, “You know what this is missing? Krispy Kremes donuts?” 
• So how do they top this year’s Fair foods? 

PS I really do love the art and livestock too!  

Head to your State Fair and enjoy a tradition, and don’t forget to try some deep fried foods that shouldn’t be fried.   Whatever state you live in, the Fair is sure to offer the sweetest, chewiest, gooiest, creamiest, messiest, crispiest, crunchiest, greasiest, saltiest, most awful for you, and yet irresistible foods!   Enjoy the Fair this season!  

What’s your favorite food at the Fair?  What’s your favorite thing to do at the Fair?  What other foods shouldn’t be fried?     

Fixin to Eat Fried Beer

Fried Beer is Disgusting

Fried Peaches and Cream ...Wonderful!

Fried Grilled Cheese with a side of fried Club Salad

Deep Fried Butter Stand from Indiana State Fair

The tamest ride at the Texas State Fair, The Ginormous Ferris Wheel!

Howdy Folks, I'm Big Tex wearing size 70 boots & a 75-gallon hat!

Autumn reminds me of Goldie Locks eating porridge at the Three Bears house.   Summer is too hot.  Winter is too cold and gray.  But autumn is just right; I could eat it all up! 

The long, lazy hazy days of summer draw to a close and make way for the cool, crisp autumn air and the sunshiny days.   And I love it!  The arrival of fall conjures up so many warm and cozy feelings for me.   What do you like most about the fall season?

I love the autumnal aromas of pumpkin, roasted chestnuts, baked apples, cinnamon and spice and at night hints of woodsy, smoky smells from bonfires floating in the open windows. 

I love how the landscape of green trees and countryside change to vibrant yellows, oranges and ambers.

I love how the early morning sounds of the high school marching band practicing and the train horn whistling travel for miles. 

I love The State Fair, corn dogs, Hay rides, pumpkin patches, Friday Night high school football, ice hockey and volleyball.

I love the tastes of autumn and eating ourselves silly; apple pies, turkey, squash with buttered brown sugar, chili and corn bread, caramel apples, hot cocoa with marshmallows, smores and monster themed cereals like booberry and count chocula. 

I love autumn and busting out my sweaters and boots. 

I love how by just stepping on one crunchy leaf this time of year can conjure up childhood memories of raking leaves into huge piles and jumping into them feeling the crisp maple and oak leaves bustling all around us. 

What do you like the most about the fall season?    What’s your favorite thing to do in autumn?

Here’s what I learned in Life and other random moments and thoughts:

• Every time I take a sip of my Starbucks pumpkin spiced latte, I am taken back to many years of autumns. Time machine-in-a-cup!
• A mom yelling, “Point! Point!” at the top her lungs at her son’s hockey game is trying to shout an offensive play for him to shoot the puck to the defenseman at the point.   A mom yelling, “Point! Point!” at the top of her lungs at her daughter’s volleyball game is trying to tell the girls keeping score that they missed a point on the scoreboard because they were chatting. 
• CPSC has recalled 10 million Fisher Price toy gym sets because of a choking hazard.  How big are these kids anyway?  
• The ONE thing I hate about Autumn. . . . . . Daddy Long Legs. Yuk.
• Skin crawling news, bedbugs attacking hotels and stinkbugs attacking the Midwest.  Double Yuk! 
• Bedbug registry?  Really?  You can call ahead to make sure your hotel doesn’t have any bedbugs registered.   
• That gives all new meaning to the bedtime rhyme, “Good night, sleep tight,
  Don’t let the bedbugs bite.  And if they do, Then take your shoe, and knock ‘em ‘til   They’re black and blue!” 
• This time of year my summer clothes are replaced in my overflowing closet with fall clothes.   Honey, don’t make me choose between you and my boots. 
• Other reasons to love autumn, men in flannel.
• Tough choices to make last week on the Fall lineup; Sheldon’s first date on Big Bang Theory or Betty White on Community.  Hmmmm.  
• S#*! My dad says, for heaven sakes, just shut up.  If you have nothing funny to say, what’s the point?
• I learned that the teenager new term for dating is, “We’re talking”.
• The economy is so bad Jimmy Choo is shopping at Payless.
• I learned it is not so comforting, when my seatmate, an elderly lady crosses herself when our plane takes a sudden drop.
• I learned I should look at the elevator floor buttons BEFORE the door shuts.  I got in an empty elevator to go downstairs from the 27^th floor and all the buttons were pushed going down.
• I learned the Ihop cheesecake pancake breakfast is a total calorie explosion.  Anytime you use the word “cake” twice in a breakfast food you know it cannot be good for you!
• Teen breaking up with your girlfriend the night before Homecoming dance by texting her is not cool, especially if the girlfriend doesn’t have a text messaging plan, paying .20 to get dumped.
• Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker. ~ Linus

What do you like the most about the fall season?    What’s your favorite thing to do in autumn?

*  Twitter – a place to talk to yourself, publicly. 

* I use to think a tweet was a sweet treat for a tweedy bird, not a message of up to 140 characters shared on Twitter.

* On twitter, breaking news spreads like wildfire—140 characters at a time.

* I always feel like I’m tweavesdropping on other people’s conversations.

* And then how do I jump in a conversation?  I’m still learning my twetiquette.

* What is scary is that Twitter is “over capacity” during the prime work hours.  Who’s working, if everyone is tweeting? 

* Left on voicemail; “Hi Sue, this is Kristen, Twitter was down this morning.  Call me right away when you get this message.  I’m dying to know what you had for breakfast.” 

* In my business meeting this week I said , Hello all my tweeple…um people.

* I have finally learned to stop calling it “Tweeter”.  It’s Twitter.  And people tweet, you twit. 

* Maybe someday I will get tweeting and become a full fledge twanthropologist.

* What’s worse than your dad following you on Twitter?  Your boss is following you. 

* If someone is Twittering alone in the forest, and nobody else is there to receive the tweet, is it just a 140 character blog?

* When I begin to talk too long, my husband smiles and says, “Talk in tweets honey, brevity”. 

* Twitter is like hitting “reply all” to the universe.

* Twitter acronym for “Typing what I’m thinking to everyone reading.”

* Twitter definition: “a short burst of inconsequential information,” like “chirps from birds.” -Jack Dorsey creator of Twitter. 

* Twitter like the chatting at the water cooler on steroids. 

* Twitter Tantrums, really?  Swapping barbs on Twitter is not a good idea.  Tiny Twitter tirade… don’t do it! 

* I may turn into an enthusiastic hashtag machine.  #hashtag #gettingtwitter #lovetwitter #Imatweeter #Imjustsaying  #helloanyoneoutthere

* Twitter is an addiction worthy of a 12 Step program.

* Hi, my name is @mommytwitter, and I’m a Twittaddict.

* You’re addicted to twitter when you tweet your partner to turn out the light, when you’re both in bed.

* Twitter is like crack when you realize Twitter should be called “Twitch” for how compulsively your fingers are at needing to keep typing something.

* I require random tweets and blog posts from random people to make it through the week.

* My tween kids think my tweets and blogs are a confetti bomb of our small embarrassments. 

* Twitter is only 140 characters? Don’t worry my editor is good at eliminating “unnecessary characters”. 

* I just use Twitter, so I can talk the goofy Twitter-speak.

* I think I’m going to have to outsource my tweeting to India- ghost tweeting.

* How many tweets can a twitter tweeter tweet if a twitter tweeter could tweet?

What are you favorite Tweets? 

Here are my random observations and other random thoughts that were comprised from my list of what I have learned and observed over the past week and over the years.  As a writer, when I get a random thought, I usually jot it down in my notebook wherever I am, and whenever the mood strikes me. A lot of times, I’ll read these one-liners later and wonder; what was I thinking?  Where did that come from? So don’t ask. They made sense at the time! Enjoy and let me hear your thoughts about your summer so far!

• Is it just me, or did the World Cup go on forever? 
• Now that Spain has won, can we go back to forgetting that soccer exists?   ew 
• Arm your vuvuzelas, my house is too quiet while my kids are away at camp.  Yes, I’m complaining. Surprise. Surprise. 
• AND the Vuvuzelas are not meant to be blown in the dogs ears. 
• OK, no more on the skinny horns, I just like saying the word, “Vuvuzela”.  I’m just saying.  
• So on this whole spy thing; if these are the Russian A-team how we’d catch these James Bond wannabes with their sloppy spycraft?
• Despicable me, cute.  Mel Gibson, Despicable him.  Lindsay Lohan , Despicable her. 
• “I’m Bored, Mom.”  Summer is in full swing.
• ‎Yes, summer is in full swing.  It’s a skinfest at the pool, at the beach and even shopping.  I am starting to sound like my mom; “Where’s the rest of your outfit?”
• Summer-where according to my hubby, it’s too hot outside for picnics, but when he is given the choice between obtaining his food from an adorable wicker basket or from a flaming grill, he will always pick the grill. 
• Summer - when the  flies steal meals from the hard working ants.
• Did you know some meat flies can smell meat from a mile away?  
• Summer – when the meat files stay around for dessert. 
• Summer- where you wake up every morning excited to spend a full day with your children, but go to bed every night praying for school to start.
• I learned that Silly Bandz DO clog a pool filter. 
• I’m happy it’s July, where other people have my kids for a week!  (JK, kids… Really.)
• I learned that this week was humid and a good week for hair products. 
• On my airplane this week there was a baby in front of me that insisted on standing on his mom’s lap the entire flight.  Good thing we weren’t going to China, she would have needed thighs of steel.
• I offered to help get the baby to settle down and to calm the other passengers, but they didn’t want my sedatives.
• Not what you’re thinking! The sedatives were for all the adults around the baby, not the baby.  (Well, all the adults, except the pilots.) 
• The baby finally sat down because the mom threatened to take him to see Santa Claus when we landed.  (All kids are born with an instinctive terror of Santa.) 
• While driving through the farmlands of Indiana, I saw a sign which read, “Used Cows for Sale”. What? Really?  
• With teens when traveling we get two rooms now.  I don’t miss the kind of family togetherness that was only achieved by cramming five people into one small hotel room. 
• With older kids, I don’t miss buying tacky souvenirs. 
• There are dozens of different ways to wear my convertible, reversible, easily packable dress that I brought on my vacation and I can only figure out one -hanging in the closet.   
• Gypset dresses, huh?  A cross between a gypsy, jet-set, bohemian, mini, maxi dress…but it packs well. 
• Summer hockey is odd; sitting in an ice rink watching hockey when it’s 102 degrees outside.
• Hockey dad, when in doubt, do NOT – I repeat- do NOT punch your son’s hockey coach. 
• R.I.P George Steinbrenner. Best Seinfeld episode; George and George. 
• George Steinbrenner hours after getting into Heaven, fired God and told Jesus to lose the beard.  Jay Leno
• Bad Apple. Hey Steve, duct tape costs a few cents versus a $30 bumper iFix. 
• Mel Gibson uses the new F phone.  
• Golf, I watch it to see what John Daly is wearing.
• The blond bomber ball buster sets the style for the golf course with his purple paisley pants. 
• The British Open is not all flat; some bunkers are so huge you can lose children in them.
• Who cares about the golf scores, the scenery is great. 
• So how does Author, James Patterson publish two or three books a year?  My writing goal is to write as many words this year as James Patterson wrote last week. 
• My most satisfying task today was crumbling my sign, “No Chocolate-Ever!”

How’s your summer going?  Are you traveling?  Where’s your favorite city to visit?  What are your favorite things to do while visiting a new place?

 I love to hear comments back, and feel free to post them on the blog under the comment button.  I get a lot of emails from my readers but feel free to post comments too.   Follow me on twitter, where most of these random thoughts originated.  Twitter: pamlaux

As a child, growing up in the Chicago suburbs, we would often sing a song while swinging on our swing set with these lyrics; “Mrs. O’Leary kept the lantern in the shed, and when her cow kicked it over, she winked her eye and said, ‘there’ll be a hot time, in old town tonight.’ ”

The song referred to the great Chicago fire that occurred 100 years earlier from my childhood years.   Even though the cow legend was made-up by a Chicago reporter who thought it would make for a colorful story, it always stuck with me.  Just like the city of Chicago, it sticks to you. 

Frank Sinatra sang it well, “Chicago is; My kind of town”.   Chicago is; a world-class city, a melting pot for all types of people, art, business, recreation and culture. 

Once you have visited Chicago you will understand how the city has a little of everything. 

If you set aside the traffic jams on the Chicago expressways, Chicago will suck you in.  Whether it’s the culture, its down-to-earth people, its great restaurants, its lakefront and its river, it always makes my jaw drop when I step into the city.  And yours will too.   

I am easily awed by the energy of the throngs of people as they shuffle through the heart of steel and glass skyscrapers pulsating on every city block.  I am just as easily awed by Mother Nature as I jog along the shores of the magical, massive Lake Michigan.

I love this town.  I visit the city two or three times a year.  I love it more in the spring and summer months. The winters can get bitterly cold with the biting winds, but winter visitors can still explore the indoor museums, art institutes and great restaurants. 

Experience the city and enjoy the best it has to offer.  A few of my favorite places and Hot Times in Old Town include:  eating a deep dish pizza, but saving room for a bag of Chicago’s famous gourmet popcorn, shopping on Magnificent Mile (Michigan Ave), a trip to the Willis Tower (formerly the Sears Tower), studying the skyline and the building architect, Navy Pier, Lincoln Park Zoo, catching a game at Wrigley Field or depending on the time of year, watch the Stanley Cup Champions, a Blackhawks hockey game, Millennium Park, listening to jazz, Double Decker bus tours, Hancock observatory, Buckingham Fountain, Chicago River,  and  antique shopping on Armitage Avenue.

There is so much to see and do in Chi-town, that I always have plenty left over for my next visit. 

Chicago, until next time! 

Let me know if you have ever visited the Windy City?  Where’s your favorite city to visit?  What are your favorite things to do while visiting a new place? 

To all my Chicago high school friends and FB friends, I love ya and love your city! 

Things I have learned in LIFE and other Random thoughts: 

• I learned that valet parking for the day in Chicago costs more than my daily car rental. 
• I learned that Lake Michigan is like the ocean, without the salt.
• On my next visit to Lake Michigan I’m going to bury metal objects in the sand that say “get a life” on them.
• I learned that Chicago hotel rooms can be on the small side.  Room service? Send up a larger room.
• Why it is my hotel room is always chilled to an icy fifty degrees, when outside it’s a pleasant seventy degrees?
• To really appreciate the multifaceted group of Chicagoans, ride the El. 
• The El (Elevated Train) is more than the Chicago transportation system, it’s an elevated ride in Twilight Zone; especially if you have a transfer pass…you may never get off.   
• I found out the hard way why they call it “The Loop”. 
• Lake Michigan’s beach sand is hot, but the water is frigid even in the middle of the summer.
• The giant faces on the video screens in Grant Park, are called ART, but are a little creepy. 
• Chicago is; an occasional snooty bartender. 
• Millennium Park features a giant mirrored egg-shaped cloud that resembles a women’s compact reflecting the city’s skyline and the distorted people walking around it. 
• I learned that the McDonald’s inside the Chicago loop looks like something out of The Jetsons. 
• I realized as I sank my teeth into my favorite deep dish pizza, I was at the wrong favorite pizzeria.  Pizzeria Due, Pizzeria Uno, both with green awnings, both with basement level seating, identical menus and sidewalk patios and within a mere 100 yards apart, who knew? 
• While driving in downtown Chicago, it’s a good idea to slow it down so you don’t flatten unsuspecting tourists.   Pedestrians in masses, definitely have the right-of-way.   
• I learned whenever I need a full urban experience I visit Chicago. 
• Be careful in some sectors of Chicago.  The most common 911 call in some areas is “Shots fired.”
• I learned the tollway pass in rental cars do NOT always work, and when they don’t you can tie up traffic for miles.
• Gourmet “chocolate” Carmel popcorn makes my chocolate level on my food pyramid.
• Chocolate covered popcorn should not be eaten in bed …as if my hotel carpet wasn’t already sticky enough.  Ew. 
• I learned that the State of Illinois does highway construction during rush hour…which is mostly all day.
• The traffic was moving smoothly a few days later.  I learned that the construction workers were on strike that day. 
• I learned that the it costs 3 dollars to sit for an hour on the Skyway Toll Bridge, but it’s free to get lost in Gary, Indiana’s downtown (Chicago’s East side). 
• Stay away from the hotels that advertise, “a short run to the EL.” 
• If you really want to talk about da Bears or da Cubs, then sit at da bar of any pizza shop.

What is your favorite city to visit?  What are your favorite things to do while visiting a new place? 

Trump Tower from my cab.

Chicago Transit started putting advertisements on the ceilings of buses and el trains. This is an ad in the el Train for US Cellular, although, I’m not sure how the question is connected to phone service, but I’ll take the Chocolate LIPS !    

Chi COW go

Home of the Chicago Cow Parade, some of the bovines are still grazing around town. 

Ice on the beach makes wading slippery

Lake Michigan beaches are magical even in the Winter.  But summer is much more fun!  Enjoy!

Many people are taking vacations this month.  For the past few years people have not been traveling because of the slow economy.  Now people are tired of hiding under their beds and instead are saying “let’s go visit grandma this summer.”  The Fourth of July weekend alone will have 35 million travelers.  And 90% of those travelers will be by car.  Whether you are traveling by car or plane, you most likely will have travel stories and lessons you have learned.  I’d love to hear about them.  Where are you planning a vacation?  Are you traveling by car or plane? 

What I have learned in life:

• Ok, kids in preparation for our vacation, let’s start with our first road game- the suitcase race, where each of you will be timed while packing your luggage. 

• Packing; you won’t be graded on it, it won’t be on your permanent record and neatness doesn’t count. 

• In fact, all that counts is getting the dang suitcase packed!

• What I learned in life, when traveling with kids on a road trip, do you notice that the souvenirs at all the rest stops are the same but the names on them changed? 

• “Road trips”, a term that really means, “I’m going to kill those kids when we get home.” 

• The constant humming of the horns of the world soccer cup on my TV are enough to make me go batty, until I open a door and the buzzing and clicking noises of the cicadas combined with multitudes of insects and frogs drone out the monotone sounds of the Vuvuzelas!

• Finally… rain in our town silenced the orchestra of cicadas and the chorus of frogs.  And the US loss to Ghana skidded the constant soccer games on our TV to a halt and silenced the horn blowing.

• Who knew the Ghanaians were so good at soccer?  

• This summer our house is the epicenter for teenage gatherings.  I learned that during the day while teenagers are ravaging the house, I’d prefer the loud and raucous sounds of a stadium full of vuvuzela blowing soccer fans.

• I have learned that teenagers are nocturnal.

• My son waited in line for 10 hours in hopes to nab the first shipment of new iphone  4, only to find out he was in line for only the case.

• My new iphone is thinner than me, smarter than me and can multi-task better than me. 

• Steve Jobs said the new iphone doesn’t like to be held…really?  I guess it can’t do everything. 

• I learned that traveling by plane is just as adventurous as by car.

• I learned not to worry when you see an airplane fly by you in the friendly skies, unless you can watch their movie. 

• Most airplane collisions that are near misses happen while taxing on a runway.  So how does a pilot just miss a plane that jumped out in front of him?  Oops, I didn’t see you hiding there behind the tree.

• I learned that there are a lot of single dating ads in the inflight magazines.  Are there really that many singles flying? 

•  Bikinis Meet Hazmat Suits

• After four SWA flights, I learn that if I eat another bag of peanuts, I think I’ll be drinking water from my trunk.

• At least I can’t complain anymore about airplane food.  It’s hard to screw up peanuts and pretzels.

• I learned that it is not a good feeling when your plane backs away from the gate and is traveling at high speeds on a wet runaway and the little boy in front is yelling, “ Four, three, two , one, BLAST OFF!”

• I have learned that these people never make good seat mates on a plane; a psychic, TMI Sally(Too much information), someone who just got out of prison (you think I’m kidding), a flirtatious person, a complainer, a student that wants help with their homework, someone practicing FengShui, someone afraid of flying, a giggler, a foreigner trying to obtain their green card, a snorter, an Amway salesperson trying to recruit you, a mom with newborn twins, a hypochondriac,  someone with Tourette’s syndrome or your Mother-in-Law.

• Our airline has a 5/10 rule.  Any kids under the age of 10 have to be asleep within 5 minutes after takeoff, or we’ll stow them in the overhead compartment.

• How many Southwest airline agents does it take to decorate the gate area for the fourth…way too many. One to hold the scissors, one to hold the tape, one to stand on the ladder and hang the crepe paper and several to watch to make sure it is hung right. 

• Have you ever sat in an Exit row?  What a huge responsibility. Please read the 110 page booklet on exit door procedures… the door weighs 60 pounds, but make sure you toss it away from the  plane…remember if we land in water the back of the plane will go under first, so all the passenger behind you will rush forward…speak to all the passengers in English…(like I’m suddenly going to remember how to yell “jump” in another language)… if you feel like your life is in danger, jump out first…duh, see you later alligator.

• If we can do anything to improve your flight, let us know, as you are departing the plane. 

• Seriously, if you want a beverage on this flight, remember that there are only 3 of us and 130 of you, and it’s a brief 55 minute flight, but sure go ahead and order a beverage.

• As they point out the safety features of the Boeing 737, let us show you how to buckle your seatbelt.   Really?  Do we need to know how to buckle our seatbelts?  Anyone that has been in an automobile since 1968 knows how to buckle a seatbelt. 

• In the event of loss of oxygen, put on your mask first and if you’re traveling with two children, pick your favorite child and put their mask on next.

• If you don’t like us, there are six ways to leave us, two exits in the front, two in middle and two in the rear of the plane. 

• We’re going to dim the cabin lights.  We hope most of you will go to sleep.

• We have reached our cruising altitude of 10,000 feet and six inches.

• I learned that the best landing is the landing that you can sleep through and it’s smooth as butter.

• No blanket, no in-flight meal, no laptop, no iPod, no book, no newspaper, no standing, no carryon. Threat level now at Berserk. Enjoy your flight.

• I can’t figure out why chocolate is just another snack to my hubby.

• I need a vacation from my vacation.

• Why do they call it a two man pup tent anyway?  It shouldn’t be used by two men or a pup. 

• It’s a funny thing about our nation. The 4^th of July is its birthday, but April 15th is when it collects the presents.

• The Fourth of July, the holiday where we combine alcohol and explosives.

• I learned that 4^th picnics are a family gathering that is fun for about 30 minutes. 

• Nothing more says, “Happy Birthday America” than an hour long fireworks display!

For many people this holiday is a lot more than a day off from work. It’s a time to pay tribute.  In this country, it’s a great way to remember all the people that gave their lives for us.  Happy Fourth of July!!

Where are you planning a vacation?  Are you traveling by car or plane?  Let me hear about your adventures! 

Fireworks 4th of July Del Mar Ca

My daughter Courtney took this photo  from her iphone while in Del Mar, California.

Dad, now that I’m a parent myself, I know what you and mom went through…HELL.

• Dad, my kids often remind me of myself and my siblings when I was a kid- happy now?  Sure go ahead and laugh.
• Dad, whenever I run into life’s little problems- I think back to all the advice you’ve given me.  Damn, I wish I would have been listening.
• Sure grandpa, now that the kids are all jacked up on candy and sodas, it’s time to take them back to mom and dad.
• Dad, can you offer any helpful advice on raising teenagers?  Uh, pointing and laughing isn’t advice.
• On Mother’s Day my kids brought me breakfast in bed.  On Father’s Day the only way my hubby is getting breakfast in bed is if he sleeps in the kitchen.
• I learned that my hubby shouldn’t complain about all my pairs of shoes.  He has twice as many wrenches that he never uses. 
• Why does he have so many different size and shape wrenches anyway? 
• When our dryer broke, my husband said he could fix it…if he had the right size wrench!  
• I learned that hunting through a man’s toolbox is worse than a man hunting through a ladies purse. 
• I learned how to remove a cork from a bottle of wine without an opener, leave it in the freezer overnight.
• I learned I’m the ambulance driver in my family.  Last week my daughter went to the ER for strep throat, and then my hubby needed stitches in his forehead, and then my son had a slight concussion from being checked into the boards in hockey.    You’ll recognize me in the car pool line; I’m the car with a red cross painted on it. 
• There’s something about the hot weather that makes some people get a little frisky with their fashion choices.   Edgy stilettos and barely there short dresses, really?
• I’m still trying to figure out when Hawaiian Bermuda shorts, Jackie-O sunglasses, and tank tops went out- of- style?  Where’s Miuccia Prada when I need her? 
• I learned that faux tanners don’t work for me; I end up looking like a sick zebra.
• When did Military styles come back?  I just sold all my cargo pants and camouflage at my garage sale only to find the same get-ups at the department stores. 
• Wait, that’s skinny pants with cargo pockets to be worn with double platforms and a sequin tee?  Never mind.
• My diet is a constant battle between, sweetened or unsweetened, broiled or fried, chocolate or double chocolate.
• I learned that as I get older, everything droops.  Even my chin looks longer than it did ten years ago.  I’m turning into Jay Leno.
• I bought some herbal tea that is supposed to help my memory but I forgot where I put it.
• I can tell its summer, our back yard smells like tiki torch fuel and bug spray. 
• I learned it’s probably time to cut back on the chlorine in the pool when the beach ball melts. 
• Summer eating is fun; since all the men want to be chefs, especially competitive dads, they want to bar-b-que where no man has bbq before!  Go for it! 
• Smoke bacon explosion, smoke duck, and smoked cheesecake… count me in.
• After football, basketball and hockey…at last baseball & golf, two whistle free sports most men can sleep through. 
• We’re trying to plan a family vacation.  There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family. 
• Is it just me, or am I really turning into my mother? 
• I want to get chocolate wasted!
• Forget having a nose for smelling the wine boutique; I need a trained nose to sniff out Gulf Seafood for oil. 
• I worry the oil spill will cause fish stick prices to go up.
• Now that summer is here, I don’t have to cook breakfast for the kids because they wake up at noon.
• You shouldn’t be eating candy so early. We have donuts.
• My motto for my teenage kids, “No drinking, no drugs, no sex ’til you’re dead.”
• I learned that you don’t choose your family; they are god’s gift to you. 

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads in the world!

What are you doing for Father’s Day?  What did you learn in LIFE?

Like many of you, my summer calendar is quickly filling up with kid’s activities. School has only been out for a week and already I have organized and held a garage sale, planned our kid’s summer camps & family vacation and supervised endless sleepovers and pool parties.  Whoever coined the phrase, “lazy days of summer”, didn’t have three kids! 

Every year I swear never to hold another garage sale and then the “gotta-clean-out-the-junk “phase hits me and I acquiesce.   This year I thought I would beat the summer heat and have it before Father’s Day. 

Fortunately, it didn’t rain on my garage/yard sale. (I wouldn’t want my junk to get wet.)  Unfortunately, the heat was relentless.

Whether you hold a garage sale or go to a garage sale I hope you enjoy what I learned in LIFE and my “garage sale random thoughts” this week.    Let me know what you learned when you held a garage sale or shopped at a garage sale?  What was the strangest thing you bought or sold at a garage sale? 

• I learned how to get my closet cleaned out, make $400, get a tan  and lose 10 pounds all in five hours…hold a garage/yard sale when it’s 95 degrees & sunny.   

• A learned that anything sells at a garage sale, as long as it is marked one dollar and  you sell it for half price.   

• Sir, I wouldn’t give garage sale lingerie to your wife when you get home. 

• I learned that people will buy a bird cage with bird poop in it, as long as you throw in the water bottle.

• Wait, why do we have a bird cage in our garage anyway?  We never owned birds.

• I learned that people actually want to buy the stuff you store in your garage over the stuff for sale at the garage sale, like tools, rakes, ladders, bikes, coolers, fishing rods, camping gear, lawn movers, trash bins…anything marked “NOT FOR SALE.” 

• No, I do not have lay-away at my garage sale. 

• I learned people will buy anything at garage sales including used underwear, holey socks and the dog’s chew toys, or even a dog-chewed, holy pair of underwear. 

• I learned to make sure you check out the attic box full of photos and frames before people rummage through them, especially if there’s an old photo of you and your little daughter taking a shower fifteen years ago.    

• I don’t know what’s worse a stranger finding a picture of you in the shower with your baby daughter, or your “now” teenage daughter finding it.    

• I learned that designer labels do not matter at a garage sale.  A Neiman Marcus blouse sells for the same price as the blouse from Wal-Mart; one dollar.    

• Since when did Pokémon cards, Beanie Babies and Pet Rocks stop selling at garage sales? 

• I learned that if you put “hold” on an item that no one wants at a garage sale, everyone wants to buy it.  “Ok, I will let it go, but really if this shopper comes back, I’ll have some explaining to do.” He He He.   

• Why is it every shopper opens their empty coin purse and says , “really this is my last dime” and hands me a fist full of change totaling 4.90 for six dollars’ worth of crap? 

• Next garage sale, I DO NOT do pennies! Scratch that, I don’t do coins.  

• I learned not to “get caught up” in the garage sale moment and start running in the house raiding my closet…selling my Jimmy Choo sandals for $3.00 sounded like a great deal at the time. 

• I learned that anything I cannot “give away”, will sell at my garage sale.  

• Garage sale wisdom does not make sense; people will spend money on gas, drive around in their air conditioned new vehicles in order to stand in the hot sun & argue about getting a $3.00 lamp for $2.50.  Then walk away upset, but come back an hour later looking to finally pay $3.00 for the lamp that sold five minutes after they left for $2.75.     

• Lady if the dollar high heels are too big in your swollen feet, they will not fit you when you take them home. But thank you for the dollar.   

• I learned it’s not a good idea for your hubby to fire up the lawn mower in the garage on sale day.  The smell of burnt gas and grass does not help boost sales at the garage sale. 

• So how bad is our economy when people shop lift at a garage sale? Really?   

• A man asked if I had any unused medicine for sale.  I should have given him hormone pills and told him they were Viagra.

• I lady asked if my opened half-drunk diet coke was for sale.  I said yes.  She looked at it & then said she would have bought it if it was not diet.   

• I learned that if you collect the lose crap and put it in a Ziploc bag it sells for twice as much. 

• I couldn’t sell the artificial plant in the ceramic planter for 3.00 until the wind blew it on the cement and it broke.  The next shopper bought it. 

• I learned I couldn’t have done a garage sale without duct tape and WD40. 

• I learned that duct tape fixes; a sewing machine, a bent fender on a bike, a lamp, a pot handle, a picture frame, a tennis shoe, a printer, a sword, patio furniture, a leaky snow globe and the back of a camera. 

• A common question asked at my garage sale, “Does this $2.00 42” TV work?”  

• I learned that the crappier your garage sale sign looks, the more people will come to the sale. 

• I learned that the helium balloons my neighbor tacked to their store bought garage sale sign, popped in the wind, and the deflated balloons blocked their address. 

• Junk is another person’s treasure, until they hold a garage sale! 

Let me know what you learned when you held a garage sale or shopped at a garage sale?  What was the strangest thing you bought or sold at a garage sale? 

As the Alice Cooper song goes, “school’s out for summer”! Those words that Alice Cooper once sang are like heavenly music to my kids and students everywhere, but maybe not so much for the stay at home moms and dads. Summer means no more “me time”.   And for most stay-at-home-parents, they are already counting down the days until September.

 
For me personally, I’m relieved that the stresses of school will go on hiatus. With teenage children, the last week of final exams, was no walk in the park.

While you and your kids look forward to family vacations and laying out by the pool, others may find summer as a time to make some extra money mowing lawns, holding garage sales and selling lemonade. Whatever you and your family have planned for the summer activities, enjoy it! 

What do you have planned to keep your kiddos busy this summer?  How was your last week of school?

What this working mom has learned in LIFE:

• YouTube, Twitter and Facebook completely revolutionized procrastination.

• Seriously if it weren’t for YouTube- we would never get to see a cat play the piano.

• I remember when the kids were younger, I’d say, “it’s such a nice day, why don’t you just go outside and play.” Now I say,” it’s such a nice day, why don’t you just go outside and make some money”.

• Don’t eat the Sherk drinking glasses you bought at McDonalds, they are tainted on the outside with Caidum, a possible carcinogen.

• Sarah Ferguson is probably missing the days of her toe-sucking scandal.

• I got an email from my teen’s English teacher this week, explaining how the school system grades their Final “English” paper on formatting over content & quality of writing.  Shut the Front Door!  Since when is how pretty it looks graded higher than content?

• After school,  my daughter got in the car, and I asked her how she did on her final Math exam.  She replied, “Great, I got a 95 on the final and I had a 92 overall going into the final.  So that averages to 87, right?”

• I would help my son with Algebra, but I quit helping the kids with their math problems once they start putting letters in it.

• I was talking to my son’s teacher; he asked if there was any history of ADD in our family, but I didn’t hear him, I was watching the birds out the window.

• Believe me, you are going to need an extra-large stock of Valium when your kids go through puberty.

• My daughter commented on a song we were listening to on the car radio, “This song is from Twilight.” So I said, “The movie?” She said, “No mom, the book.”

• I learned it is best not to even ask my teenage son why there’s an orange traffic cone in his backseat.

• My husband is a horrible secretary. His note on my desk said, “Someone from the Guyna College called. They said Pabst beer is normal.”

• Have you seen the “Hot Guys reading Books” Blog? Well, at least they got the “reading books part right.”   http://bit.ly/d43yfO

• I have a mind like a steel whatchamacallit and a sense of humor like whatshisname.

• I just want five more hours in the day- after, you know, world peace and everything!

What have you learned in LIFE?  What do you have planned to keep your kiddos busy this summer?   How was your last week of school?

All over the country Memorial Day weekend marks the beginning of summer. Swimming pools and the beaches are opening in anticipation of kids getting out of school.

My annual tour of the neighborhood backyard pool parties is always preceded by a ceremonial scramble through the malls in search of a new swimsuit. Swimsuit shopping used to be so much fun…back when I was in my twenties. Now I’d rather have a root canal than try on a new swimsuit.
Surveys show that a resounding ninety percent of women are concerned with their appearance in a swimsuit, and nearly half feel anxiety ridden about shopping for a swimsuit. That’s probably not too much of a surprise for you if you’re in that half who hate shopping for swimwear.
Memorial Day just sneaks up on me. I feel I’ll be ready to wear a swimsuit by the Fourth of July, but by then all the good suits will be gone. So I drag my pasty white body to the mall.
Whether you’re average size, super-skinny or obese, the good news is that there is a swimsuit for you — and you should put it on, go outside and wear it, regardless of worrying about your appearance. After all, most women you’ll see at the pool or the beach will be just like you. And few will notice, let alone care about, other people’s cellulite; many will probably be too busy fretting about their own bodily flaws.
In our country, there’s a lot of talk about body-image. I have no desire to carry around an image of my body in my head. Just like a car wreck on the freeway, I know something unpleasant has happened and it’s best not to look.
So, you’re not a bikini-perfect supermodel — but really, not many women are. Every woman has some cellulite, and imperfections, even that airbrushed model that is off-the-scale thin. So, just get out there and enjoy the summer!
What I’ve learned this week, centers around swimming suit anxiety. Remember to take a good friend and your humor with you while you shop for that perfect suit!

• My daughter and I went shopping for bathing suits at a factory outlet mall, where you go to buy mistakes.

• A five dollar NEW swimsuit, Awesome…with three cups.

• Nothing could be worse than a profession in retail swimwear in May.

• Tankinis, one-pieces, bikinis, two-pieces, skirtinis: the choices are vast for women swimwear.

• We ended up at an upscale department store and here are some of the comments we heard coming from the dressing rooms while trying on swimsuits:

• A lady screeches at the dressing room attendant, “This is NOT one size fits all!”

• “It’s your grandma’s bathing suit, but in a two piece.”

• “It doesn’t look like sausage, does it? “

• Wild hysterical laughter. Pause. “This is utterly disgusting.”

• Friend A said, “What do you think?” Long pause. Friend B said, “Well, the color looks good on you.”

• “I need something to stuff in here, to fill it up.” “Try those do dads.”

• “OMG. This can’t be all there is to this suit!”

• “You can still wear a two-piece bathing suit?” “Well, as long as one of them runs the length of my whole body.”

• “My bra and underwear could pass better for a swimsuit than this!”

• “I think I am wearing this one inside out.”

• “I think this has a built-in ‘wonder where they went’ bra.”

• “When I bend over this suit is so tight the bottom hurts like I’m having a baby again.”

• “This is just obscene.”

• “All I need is a little wind in this swimsuit- and I could go parasailing.”

• “This suit isn’t bad… with a cover-up…like a raincoat.”

• “This suit is really conservative. I could put a skirt on it and wear it to church!”

• “When it comes to swimwear, size really does matter.”

• “This suit is really cute, but it’s metallic and is decorated with sequins. I like it- but I can’t go near the water. I mean I can’t get it sopping wet, maybe just a few sprinkles of water on it.”

• “You can use stick-um spray on your butt to keep the suit from riding up.” “Hairspray works too.” Who knew?

• “You can use duct tape underneath your breasts to create cleavage.” (The wonder of duct tape ceases to amaze me. Who knew the application of electrical tape to ones breasts is mainstay practice at beauty pageants?)

• I hear Spandex makes a two hundred dollar suit that sucks everything in and keeps it there even when you get in the water.

• Swimsuits show off body art. I tell my kids, “I’d get a tattoo if I had any skin tight enough to draw on.”

• When you get to be my age, not even a day at the beach, is a day at the beach.

• To me summer is just one long hot flash.

• Now I know why men don’t wear bikini bottoms, it would pinch their twins.
Other things I’ve learned in Life this week.
• Picnics would not be complete without sticking my hand or a foot into a pile of fire ants.

• The parents of the two year old Indonesian boy that smokes cigarettes could use an ass whooping.

• BP; Dolphins with mops, really? Try the oil whisper, or aquaman, or club soda (I heard it gets everything out) or try my favorite, duct tape.

• The BP PR; “Catastrophe is a strong word, let’s all agree to call it a whoopsie daisy.”

• This week BP got the concession call from Exxon Valdez. They were great competitors but BP oilspill won.

• Oh man, this whole time BP has been trying to stop SEAWATER from gushing into our OIL. Stupid Terry was holding the diagram upside down.

• My memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory is not as sharp as it used to be.

Did you have a great Memorial weekend?  What did you learn in LIFE this week? Let me know!