Many people are taking vacations this month.  For the past few years people have not been traveling because of the slow economy.  Now people are tired of hiding under their beds and instead are saying “let’s go visit grandma this summer.”  The Fourth of July weekend alone will have 35 million travelers.  And 90% of those travelers will be by car.  Whether you are traveling by car or plane, you most likely will have travel stories and lessons you have learned.  I’d love to hear about them.  Where are you planning a vacation?  Are you traveling by car or plane? 

What I have learned in life:

• Ok, kids in preparation for our vacation, let’s start with our first road game- the suitcase race, where each of you will be timed while packing your luggage. 

 

• Packing; you won’t be graded on it, it won’t be on your permanent record and neatness doesn’t count. 

 

• In fact, all that counts is getting the dang suitcase packed!

 

• What I learned in life, when traveling with kids on a road trip, do you notice that the souvenirs at all the rest stops are the same but the names on them changed? 

 

• “Road trips”, a term that really means, “I’m going to kill those kids when we get home.” 

 

• The constant humming of the horns of the world soccer cup on my TV are enough to make me go batty, until I open a door and the buzzing and clicking noises of the cicadas combined with multitudes of insects and frogs drone out the monotone sounds of the Vuvuzelas!

 

• Finally… rain in our town silenced the orchestra of cicadas and the chorus of frogs.  And the US loss to Ghana skidded the constant soccer games on our TV to a halt and silenced the horn blowing.

 

• Who knew the Ghanaians were so good at soccer?  

 

• This summer our house is the epicenter for teenage gatherings.  I learned that during the day while teenagers are ravaging the house, I’d prefer the loud and raucous sounds of a stadium full of vuvuzela blowing soccer fans.

 

• I have learned that teenagers are nocturnal.

 

• My son waited in line for 10 hours in hopes to nab the first shipment of new iphone  4, only to find out he was in line for only the case.

 

• My new iphone is thinner than me, smarter than me and can multi-task better than me. 

 

• Steve Jobs said the new iphone doesn’t like to be held…really?  I guess it can’t do everything. 

 

• I learned that traveling by plane is just as adventurous as by car.

 

• I learned not to worry when you see an airplane fly by you in the friendly skies, unless you can watch their movie. 

 

• Most airplane collisions that are near misses happen while taxing on a runway.  So how does a pilot just miss a plane that jumped out in front of him?  Oops, I didn’t see you hiding there behind the tree.

 

• I learned that there are a lot of single dating ads in the inflight magazines.  Are there really that many singles flying? 

 

•  Bikinis Meet Hazmat Suits

 

• After four SWA flights, I learn that if I eat another bag of peanuts, I think I’ll be drinking water from my trunk.

 

• At least I can’t complain anymore about airplane food.  It’s hard to screw up peanuts and pretzels.

 

• I learned that it is not a good feeling when your plane backs away from the gate and is traveling at high speeds on a wet runaway and the little boy in front is yelling, “ Four, three, two , one, BLAST OFF!”

 

• I have learned that these people never make good seat mates on a plane; a psychic, TMI Sally(Too much information), someone who just got out of prison (you think I’m kidding), a flirtatious person, a complainer, a student that wants help with their homework, someone practicing FengShui, someone afraid of flying, a giggler, a foreigner trying to obtain their green card, a snorter, an Amway salesperson trying to recruit you, a mom with newborn twins, a hypochondriac,  someone with Tourette’s syndrome or your Mother-in-Law.

 

• Our airline has a 5/10 rule.  Any kids under the age of 10 have to be asleep within 5 minutes after takeoff, or we’ll stow them in the overhead compartment.

 

• How many Southwest airline agents does it take to decorate the gate area for the fourth…way too many. One to hold the scissors, one to hold the tape, one to stand on the ladder and hang the crepe paper and several to watch to make sure it is hung right. 

 

• Have you ever sat in an Exit row?  What a huge responsibility. Please read the 110 page booklet on exit door procedures… the door weighs 60 pounds, but make sure you toss it away from the  plane…remember if we land in water the back of the plane will go under first, so all the passenger behind you will rush forward…speak to all the passengers in English…(like I’m suddenly going to remember how to yell “jump” in another language)… if you feel like your life is in danger, jump out first…duh, see you later alligator.

 

• If we can do anything to improve your flight, let us know, as you are departing the plane. 

 

• Seriously, if you want a beverage on this flight, remember that there are only 3 of us and 130 of you, and it’s a brief 55 minute flight, but sure go ahead and order a beverage.

 

• As they point out the safety features of the Boeing 737, let us show you how to buckle your seatbelt.   Really?  Do we need to know how to buckle our seatbelts?  Anyone that has been in an automobile since 1968 knows how to buckle a seatbelt. 

 

• In the event of loss of oxygen, put on your mask first and if you’re traveling with two children, pick your favorite child and put their mask on next.

 

• If you don’t like us, there are six ways to leave us, two exits in the front, two in middle and two in the rear of the plane. 

 

• We’re going to dim the cabin lights.  We hope most of you will go to sleep.

 

• We have reached our cruising altitude of 10,000 feet and six inches.

 

• I learned that the best landing is the landing that you can sleep through and it’s smooth as butter.

 

• No blanket, no in-flight meal, no laptop, no iPod, no book, no newspaper, no standing, no carryon. Threat level now at Berserk. Enjoy your flight.

 

• I can’t figure out why chocolate is just another snack to my hubby.

 

• I need a vacation from my vacation.

 

• Why do they call it a two man pup tent anyway?  It shouldn’t be used by two men or a pup. 

 

• It’s a funny thing about our nation. The 4^th of July is its birthday, but April 15th is when it collects the presents.

 

• The Fourth of July, the holiday where we combine alcohol and explosives.

 

• I learned that 4^th picnics are a family gathering that is fun for about 30 minutes. 

 

• Nothing more says, “Happy Birthday America” than an hour long fireworks display!

For many people this holiday is a lot more than a day off from work. It’s a time to pay tribute.  In this country, it’s a great way to remember all the people that gave their lives for us.  Happy Fourth of July!!

Where are you planning a vacation?  Are you traveling by car or plane?  Let me hear about your adventures! 

 

My daughter Courtney took this photo  from her iphone while in Del Mar, California.