Dad, now that I’m a parent myself, I know what you and mom went through…HELL.

• Dad, my kids often remind me of myself and my siblings when I was a kid- happy now?  Sure go ahead and laugh.
• Dad, whenever I run into life’s little problems- I think back to all the advice you’ve given me.  Damn, I wish I would have been listening.
• Sure grandpa, now that the kids are all jacked up on candy and sodas, it’s time to take them back to mom and dad.
• Dad, can you offer any helpful advice on raising teenagers?  Uh, pointing and laughing isn’t advice.
• On Mother’s Day my kids brought me breakfast in bed.  On Father’s Day the only way my hubby is getting breakfast in bed is if he sleeps in the kitchen.
• I learned that my hubby shouldn’t complain about all my pairs of shoes.  He has twice as many wrenches that he never uses. 
• Why does he have so many different size and shape wrenches anyway? 
• When our dryer broke, my husband said he could fix it…if he had the right size wrench!  
• I learned that hunting through a man’s toolbox is worse than a man hunting through a ladies purse. 
• I learned how to remove a cork from a bottle of wine without an opener, leave it in the freezer overnight.
• I learned I’m the ambulance driver in my family.  Last week my daughter went to the ER for strep throat, and then my hubby needed stitches in his forehead, and then my son had a slight concussion from being checked into the boards in hockey.    You’ll recognize me in the car pool line; I’m the car with a red cross painted on it. 
• There’s something about the hot weather that makes some people get a little frisky with their fashion choices.   Edgy stilettos and barely there short dresses, really?
• I’m still trying to figure out when Hawaiian Bermuda shorts, Jackie-O sunglasses, and tank tops went out- of- style?  Where’s Miuccia Prada when I need her? 
• I learned that faux tanners don’t work for me; I end up looking like a sick zebra.
• When did Military styles come back?  I just sold all my cargo pants and camouflage at my garage sale only to find the same get-ups at the department stores. 
• Wait, that’s skinny pants with cargo pockets to be worn with double platforms and a sequin tee?  Never mind.
• My diet is a constant battle between, sweetened or unsweetened, broiled or fried, chocolate or double chocolate.
• I learned that as I get older, everything droops.  Even my chin looks longer than it did ten years ago.  I’m turning into Jay Leno.
• I bought some herbal tea that is supposed to help my memory but I forgot where I put it.
• I can tell its summer, our back yard smells like tiki torch fuel and bug spray. 
• I learned it’s probably time to cut back on the chlorine in the pool when the beach ball melts. 
• Summer eating is fun; since all the men want to be chefs, especially competitive dads, they want to bar-b-que where no man has bbq before!  Go for it! 
• Smoke bacon explosion, smoke duck, and smoked cheesecake… count me in.
• After football, basketball and hockey…at last baseball & golf, two whistle free sports most men can sleep through. 
• We’re trying to plan a family vacation.  There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family. 
• Is it just me, or am I really turning into my mother? 
• I want to get chocolate wasted!
• Forget having a nose for smelling the wine boutique; I need a trained nose to sniff out Gulf Seafood for oil. 
• I worry the oil spill will cause fish stick prices to go up.
• Now that summer is here, I don’t have to cook breakfast for the kids because they wake up at noon.
• You shouldn’t be eating candy so early. We have donuts.
• My motto for my teenage kids, “No drinking, no drugs, no sex ’til you’re dead.”
• I learned that you don’t choose your family; they are god’s gift to you. 

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads in the world!

What are you doing for Father’s Day?  What did you learn in LIFE?