Resolutions?  I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.  I did what I had to do, and saw it through without exemption.   To steal a line from Frank Sinatra, I have had a few New Year’s resolutions over the years; too few to mention.  

What is your New Years’ resolution? To lose weight, to exercise more, to quit smoking, to quit nagging, to save money, to get organized, to go to church more, to quit throwing eggs at parked cars…?

Early this morning, as I ran through the quiet neighborhood streets of our sleepy community, I noticed a smattering of white egg shell pieces under my sneakers.  Parent’s check your fridge.  If you’re missing a carton of eggs, you might want to have a chat with your child.   

Once again, it is the end of a holiday break and the natives are already restless.  I’ve seen a pattern; the end of summer break, Halloween weekend and now winter break, the kids are bored and restless and searching for a thrill of not getting caught while flinging eggs at parked cars.  They know it’s bad and they shouldn’t be doing it, but they like the excitement of wreaking havoc on a car’s paint job or just leaving a mess to clean up.

With another year upon us, kids (like adults) will mature, and with resolve will outgrow or change their bad habits.

Do you have bad habits you need to break?  Are you doing things, like over indulging on food, smoking… shopping, that needs to be reined in?   Isn’t that what a New Year resolution helps us monitor?  We want to make a change, but we enjoy the thrill of flinging that egg and not getting caught.  But over time too many tossed eggs, and we’re bound to be caught.  One more piece of chocolate cake, and then another and before we know it, we are in need of losing 10 pounds, 20 pounds, each year it snowballs.  

So we pick a date, usually the New Year; January 1, and decide to quit that habit.  But we know most resolutions are broken within weeks, some days, even within hours.   So make your resolution goals achievable.  Bad habits didn’t happen overnight, they developed over time.  Achieving your goal won’t happen overnight either, make it attainable in small chunks, one egg at a time.   

And when you feel that urge to break your resolution, think of a tradeoff.  And no, I don’t mean grabbing a 12 pack of toilet paper to toss in the trees.  Trading one bad habit for another is not perseverance.  I mean a walk outside versus a walk to the refrigerator, cleaning out your closet versus a shopping spree.  A trade-off.   

New Year’s resolutions are like jogging on eggshells, it feels unnatural, it’s not easy, and their most likely broken.

Good luck with your New Year’s resolutions!

Happy New Year!

What are your favorite New Year’s resolutions? 

5 Dozen Large Grade A Eggs Smashed in the Street

Another holiday season is upon us, and I have noticed a trend in the gift exchange at parties; White Elephants.   No, not the very large kin to the gray animal, but a tacky, outrageous, often re-gifted item.  

Maybe the economy has compelled the party hostesses to invite their guests to bring thrift store items to swap with other party goers over the traditional cookie or ornament exchanges or maybe it is for the sheer fun of it.   For whatever reason, the White Elephant exchange is sure to bring a laugh or two at any holiday party. 

The idea behind a White Elephant Exchange is to bring a wrapped, obnoxious gift that most people would not choose as a gift item.  A white elephant gift is usually a gift that is funny, creative, and the best white elephant gifts are a little bit inappropriate or irreverent. Usually a swapping of the gifts takes place based on the numbers the guests draw from a hat.  When a guest opens your gift, you know they are sincere when they say, “Wow, I’ve never received that before!” 

While in search of your White Elephant gifts, think of that SkyMall magazine you have read on airplanes.  Don’t you always wonder who uses this stuff anyway?  A White Elephant is your chance to re-gift those items you’ve collected over the years that are still in their packages stuff in your closet or basement.

Have you attended a White Elephant gift exchange? What was your favorite White Elephant gift? 

We have held a few White Elephant exchanges and here are some of the words used in the invite. 

“Bring a white elephant (an onerous, obnoxious gift) you can spare,

and we’ll trade your Sh*t with someone who may care.

 One man’s trash, is another man’s treasure,  

the bigger the laugh, the greater the pleasure.

 So bring a gift, no need to spend a dime,

if it’s useful or pretty, you’ve committed a crime.”

The fun in a White Elephant exchange is not only in receiving and trading the gifts, but also in hunting down and selecting the gift. 

In addition, if you really want to liven up the party consider requesting your guests go “green” and wear a tacky sweater they have hidden away in their closet.  You know the ones you didn’t throw out because someone knitted it for you. The tackier, the more hideous, the better! Nothing says cheer and glee than Snowmen, Santas and bells made out of yarn, sequins and applique, especially if they outshine the Christmas tree!

Have fun!  And let me know any suggestions for a White Elephant gift you have? 

I have included some ideas for your White Elephant gifts to make the exchange fun and so you won’t feel flummoxed when it comes to finding a random, but ever-so-thoughtful gift for your next exchange. 

• A package of batteries, with a note attached that reads, “Toy not included.” (Pretty clever, and still useful!)
• Long Live the King.  Anything Elvis.  An Elvis Stocking that plays Blue Christmas, Elvis Stacking cups, Elvis ornaments.
• Reindeer Poop.  Place malted milk ball candies (such as Whoppers) in a plastic baggy and attach this poem,  “I was too lazy so here’s the scoop, the gift you’ve won is reindeer poop!”
• Peruse the drug store aisles for usual items, like ear wax removal drops, or mustache bleach. These bizarre gifts are funny, and maybe even something your guest need but don’t want to admit it!
• Paul Frank Flannel Pajama set (that cute Monkey) at Target  $24.99
• A Big Foot Holiday ornament (or something similarly outrageous)
• Silk boxers with funny designs
• 36 Count Package of Toilet Paper It will most likely be the largest gift at the exchange, & something everyone could use.  (Make it the double rolls and give away 72 rolls of TP)
• “I Love Lucy” puzzle, or the “Brady Bunch” Game or a Star trek or Battlestar Galactic Calendar. 
• A broken ceramic holiday knick knack and a tube of superglue.  Even if the broken piece is missing, the glue is still useful! (Or break off the handle on a ceramic coffee mug and include it with the glue and the handle.)
• Cookie Decorating Kit (Cookies and icing included)
• Graphic T-shirts from the local Thrift Shop.
• A neck massager, candles, bubble bath and a bottle of sparkling wine.
• The Office Overtime Digital shorts Collection DVD (Everybody needs a pressure-valve release after a long day at the office and these “not seen on TV” video shorts will do the trick!  $15
• Hand mold kit.  (Especially if the party includes couples with children.)
• A live fish.  (Don’t forget to include a bowl and fish food.)
• Fruitcake (You’ve heard about the Fruitcake that gets wrapped up each year and the same one shows up over and over.)
• Striped socks with toes
• Magic tricks
• Chia Pet Plants, The Clapper,
• An armadillo beer can holder
• S’Mores & Hot Cocoa. A bag of marshmallows, chocolate bars, instant cocoa and a box of graham crackers.
• Pogo stick or Hoola Hoops
• Shake Weights

Please post what gifts you have received?  or the ones you have given that have gotten a good laugh?  Let me know so I plan for my next exchange!  Happy Gift Giving!